How to Talk About Alzheimer’s Disease: Communicating with Compassion and Respect

Talking about Alzheimer’s disease can be difficult. A diagnosis may bring fear, grief, uncertainty, and questions about what the future will hold. Friends and family members may worry about saying the wrong thing, while the person living with Alzheimer’s may feel embarrassed, anxious, frustrated, or excluded.

Yet avoiding the subject can deepen isolation. Thoughtful, respectful communication can help preserve connection, reduce distress, and remind a person that they remain valued and understood.

“From a mental health perspective, how we talk about Alzheimer’s matters,” says Jeffrey Borenstein, M.D, president and CEO of the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation. “Our words, tone, and body language can affect a person’s sense of dignity, emotional safety, and belonging.”

Remember the Person, Not Just the Diagnosis

Alzheimer’s disease affects memory, thinking, behavior, and communication, but it does not erase the individual. A person living with Alzheimer’s still has a history, preferences, feelings, relationships, and a need for connection.

Avoid defining someone solely by the disease. Phrases such as “a person living with Alzheimer’s” place the individual before the diagnosis. Just as importantly, continue speaking directly to the person rather than automatically directing questions to a caregiver or family member.

Do not assume that a person cannot understand or participate simply because they have been diagnosed. Abilities vary from person to person and may change as the disease progresses. In its earlier stages, someone may still take part in meaningful conversations, social activities, and decisions about their own life.

Listen Without Rushing

People with Alzheimer’s may have difficulty finding the right word, maintaining their train of thought, understanding lengthy explanations, or filtering out background noise.

Give the person additional time to respond. Try not to interrupt, finish sentences, or immediately correct a word. Listening patiently communicates that what the person has to say is worth hearing.

If you do not understand, gently clarify rather than pretending that you do. You might say:

“Are you talking about what happened this morning?”

“Can you show me what you mean?”

“Do you mean that you’re feeling worried?”

Sometimes the emotion behind the words is more important than whether every detail is accurate.

Keep Communication Clear and Calm

Simple communication can make conversations less overwhelming, particularly as the disease progresses.

Speak slowly and clearly but avoid using a childish voice or talking down to the person. Ask one question at a time and keep choices manageable. Instead of asking, “What would you like to drink?” try, “Would you like tea or water?”

Maintain comfortable eye contact, use the person’s name, and approach from the front so that you do not startle them. Reduce distractions by turning off the television or moving to a quieter room.

Pay attention to your tone, facial expression, and body language. A tense voice or hurried manner may communicate frustration even when your words do not. A warm, calm, matter-of-fact approach can help a person feel safer.

Avoid Testing the Person’s Memory

Questions such as “Don’t you remember?” or “What did you do yesterday?” can unintentionally feel like a test. When the person cannot recall the answer, the exchange may create embarrassment, anxiety, or shame.

Rather than asking someone to retrieve information, offer it naturally:

Instead of: “Do you remember Linda?”

Try: “Linda, your neighbor from across the street, is here to visit.”

Instead of: “What did you have for lunch?”

Try: “I heard you had soup for lunch. Was it good?”

The goal of conversation is connection, not determining what the person can or cannot remember.

Do Not Argue Over Every Detail

A person with Alzheimer’s may remember an event differently, confuse one period of time with another, or say something that is not factually correct. Correcting every mistake rarely improves the conversation and may increase distress.

Before correcting the person, consider whether the detail truly matters. If there is no safety concern, it may be more helpful to respond to the underlying feeling.

For example, someone who repeatedly asks to “go home” may be expressing a need for comfort or familiarity rather than asking for a particular address. A response such as “You miss feeling at home. Tell me what you liked most about it” may be more reassuring than insisting that the person is already home.

This does not mean dismissing the person’s concerns. It means trying to understand the emotional message behind the words.

Include, Rather Than Speak Around, the Person

One of the most isolating experiences for someone with Alzheimer’s is hearing others discuss them as though they are not present.

Include the person in conversations and decisions to the greatest extent possible. Ask for their preferences. Give them time to answer. Even when a caregiver needs to supply information, continue acknowledging and engaging the person.

If you are visiting, do not withdraw simply because conversation has become more difficult. Familiar music, photographs, a walk, a shared activity, or simply sitting together can provide meaningful connection. In later stages of Alzheimer’s, facial expressions, gestures, touch, and tone may become increasingly important forms of communication.

Talk Honestly, but Sensitively, About the Diagnosis

When discussing Alzheimer’s with family and friends, use clear and respectful language. Explain that Alzheimer’s is a disease of the brain and that memory loss is only one possible symptom; changes in communication, judgment, mood, and behavior may also occur.

Follow the individual’s wishes about who should be told and how much information should be shared. A diagnosis belongs first to the person living with it—not to friends, neighbors, or acquaintances.

Make Room for Difficult Emotions

Alzheimer’s affects mental health as well as memory. A person who recognizes changes in their abilities may experience anxiety, sadness, anger, fear, or grief. Family members and caregivers may experience many of the same feelings.

Do not rush to reassure someone by saying, “Don’t worry,” or “Everything will be fine.” Instead, acknowledge the emotion:

“This must feel frightening.”

“I can understand why you’re frustrated.”

“You don’t have to face this alone.”

Listening without judgment can be more comforting than trying to solve an emotion immediately.

Caregivers also need opportunities to speak honestly about exhaustion, grief, resentment, and uncertainty without feeling guilty. Seeking counseling, caregiver support, respite care, or help from other family members is not a failure. Supporting the caregiver’s mental health also benefits the person receiving care.

Connection Matters More Than Perfect Words

There is no perfect script for talking about Alzheimer’s disease. Conversations will change over time, and approaches that work one day may not work the next.

What matters most is the spirit in which we communicate: with patience, respect, empathy, and a willingness to meet the person where they are.

You may not always know what to say. You may repeat yourself. You may misunderstand one another. But a calm voice, a familiar smile, a reassuring presence, and genuine attention can communicate something essential: You matter. You are included. You are not alone.

Explaining Alzheimer’s Disease to Children

When a family member has Alzheimer’s disease, children need explanations that are honest, reassuring and appropriate for their age. Use simple language, such as: “Grandma has an illness that affects her brain and makes it hard for her to remember things, find the right words or act the way she used to.”

Make clear that Alzheimer’s is not contagious and that nothing the child said or did caused it. Children may also need reassurance that unusual behavior—such as repeating questions, becoming confused or seeming irritable—is caused by the illness and does not mean their loved one is angry with them.

Encourage children to ask questions and express feelings such as sadness, fear, embarrassment or frustration. Adults do not need to have every answer. It is fine to say, “I don’t know, but we can talk about it together.” Because children may need time to absorb what is happening, the conversation should be ongoing rather than a single discussion.

Whenever possible, help children stay connected with the person who has Alzheimer’s through simple, comfortable activities, such as looking at photos, listening to music, drawing, or taking a short walk together. Remind them that even if a loved one no longer remembers names or conversations, they may still respond to affection, companionship, and a familiar voice.

To learn more about the diagnosis and treatment of Alzheimer’s disease—including how advances in blood-based biomarker testing may enable earlier and more accurate diagnosis—tune in to this episode of Healthy Minds with Dr. Jeffrey Borenstein streaming on PBS.org.